They call her Natasha when she looks like Elsie

From Lundy to London and the 2016 Chelsea flower show; even though Ive seen the movie, I’ve never been before. So, it was with great consternation that I and my fellow country bumsnots, trod the gold brick paths,(infested with rats) to catch the tunnel bus to the 3m acres of the Royal Hospital. The show is organised by the Royal Horticultural Society and first started in 1913, but there’s no place here for the min-skirt waddle, as it seemed that the whole of England had decided to go on the same day as us.

I am no plantsman, oh no it does not move me, but you cannot help to be astounded by the show gardens. Every one, so immaculate, they make our efforts at home seem haphazard and untidy, you know like the derelict land behind Tescos. That said, and given my total lack of show garden judging competence, it didn’t stop me from disagreeing with some of the awards. Here is the alternative snot gilts awards from Estpix Uphill Gardening & Bespoke Exmoor BBQ Furniture Co.

Favourite garden: The Morgan Stanley Garden for Great Ormond Street Hospital by Chris Beardshaw

Most thought provoking garden: The Modern Slavery Garden by Juliet Sargeant

Sadly underrated: The Husqvarna Support Garden by Charlie Albone

Here’s some photographs of fancy tricks, to get your kicks at sixty-six, tickety click on the pic to make it smell scented.

Canon 5D mk3 w/ 24-70mm f2.8 L ll & 15mm f2.8 fisheye